Good day, readers.
Today I would like to bring your attention to joy. In my opinion, this is one of the most interesting topics because it is deeply connected to both the brain and society.
Psychologists call it social comparison theory. Humans naturally evaluate themselves by comparing to others. From an evolutionary point of view, this helped us understand our place in the group. And in the past, status was not about ego. It was about survival.
Your brain still carries that ancient wiring.
Brain imaging studies show that when we compare ourselves to someone who appears to be “doing better,” areas linked to self-evaluation and emotional processing become active. When we feel socially rejected or inferior, the anterior cingulate cortex can light up. This same region is involved in processing physical pain.
That’s why comparison doesn’t just feel unpleasant. It can genuinely hurt.
On the other hand, when we receive validation or approval, the brain’s reward system, including the ventral striatum, becomes active. Approval feels good because the brain treats it as a reward. So when we compare, we’re not being dramatic.
We’re being human.
We don’t wake up wanting to compare. But it happens automatically.
You open social media. You hear about someone’s promotion.
You see someone your age buying a house, traveling, getting married, launching something. And suddenly, your perfectly normal day feels smaller. That’s how comparison steals joy. Quietly. Without permission. All the time stop in a 3 sec and ask yourself question: all this try? Why i want to be over there instead of here? Why i want this?
The real damage happens when comparison turns into identity:
“They’re ahead, so I’m behind.”
“They’re successful, so I’m failing.”
“They look better, so I’m not enough.”
But here’s the truth: comparison rarely compares full stories. You’re comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel. And your brain, wired to notice threats, pays more attention to what you lack than what you have. Negative bias makes shortcomings feel louder than achievements.
That’s how joy disappears. Not because your life is bad. But because your focus shifted.
I often remind myself that every situation has two sides: the challenge and the answer. And the truth is, most problems are far less complicated than the stories we build around them.
You don’t have to eliminate comparison. That’s unrealistic.
But you can interrupt it. Next time you catch yourself thinking, “I should be further,” pause and ask:
- According to who?
- What do I actually want?
- If no one could see my life, what would I choose?
Joy returns when your standards are internal, not borrowed. When your progress is measured against yesterday’s version of you, not someone else’s timeline.
Comparison might visit. But it doesn’t have to stay. And it definitely doesn’t have to own your happiness. Comparison activates emotional circuits automatically. But when you pause, and reframe, you engage the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning and regulation. You move from reaction to choice.
The goal isn’t to stop comparison forever. The goal is to stop believing every story it tells.
And that’s how you protect your joy.
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